Off Work, Then Transform into a Magical Girl

Chapter 43 – The privilege called "willfulness

"The idea of becoming a magical girl was like a ray of light that shone into Xia Liang's life, giving her a way to save herself. She didn't hesitate at all, nor did she consider what she had to give up. She simply agreed. 'Because for me, it's the first time in so many years that I've felt needed,' Xia Liang said, looking at Cui Que. 'I'm lucky to have received the invitation from Little Lu and Senior at that time. Becoming a magical girl was a pleasant surprise for me, like a dream-like experience.'

'But why do you feel troubled now?' Cui Que nodded, maintaining her calmness as she continued to ask. However, her inner thoughts were far from calm after hearing Xia Liang's 'story' in the air.

She didn't immediately offer comfort because she knew very well that Xia Liang's ability to maintain her current character, rather than being completely consumed by her past experiences and dark life, must have been forged through hardships. What she needed was not 'sympathy.'

She didn't tell this story to seek useless emotions. Sympathy is the lightest and most irresponsible form of cheap kindness when it comes to personal suffering.

If she had no acquaintance with Xia Liang and only learned about a tragic event through social news, she would express her sympathy without hesitation. But Xia Liang, who was chosen as a magical girl for Fangting City and the future team, was a child who truly existed in front of her, waiting to be guided. She needed practical help.

'Why are you still troubled? To be honest, I'm also confused about my own feelings now,' Xia Liang replied, following Cui Que's words. She couldn't help but touch her chest, her face filled with confusion. 'I undoubtedly feel happy. This past month has been more meaningful than the previous year for me. But where does this emptiness come from?'

...Perhaps it's fundamentally 'loneliness'?

Cui Que remained silent but made a judgment in her heart.

Putting herself in Xia Liang's shoes, living alone in a house that carried both happy and sad memories. Every day, after her activities as a magical girl, she would still have to face loneliness when she returned. It was likely that she would also feel lonely.

Since that was the case, she knew what she should say.

'Xiao Jin.'

After contemplating, Cui Que organized her words and spoke, 'What kind of feelings do you have towards your mother now?'

Undoubtedly, Xia Liang's birth mother had the greatest influence on her during her growth. However, the concept of being a 'good child' that her mother instilled in her had led to Xia Liang's current confusion about herself.

Cui Que believed that she might not be able to eliminate the influence of this concept on Xia Liang in a few words, but at least she had to tell her what was right.

'My mother? To be honest, I'm not sure either.'

Thinking about Cui Que's question, Xia Liang lowered her head in a daze. 'I guess I still have some nostalgia for her. That's why I've always wanted to ask her for an answer. But since then, no matter how many times I went to the prison, she refused to see me.'

'In that case, allow me to be presumptuous.'

Changing her posture to sit upright, Cui Que looked at Xia Liang with a serious expression. 'I think what your mother said was wrong.'

'Many people have told me the same thing,' Xia Liang said, raising her head and laughing bitterly. 'But no one has ever explained why. What do you think, Senior?'

'Because being 'well-behaved' and being 'loved' are not causally related,' Cui Que said with a cold expression but a very serious tone.

This was the confusion that Cui Que had to help Xia Liang sort out, to make her understand the difference between the two.

'Haha, that's true. Although I've already thought about it to some extent,' Xia Liang said after a moment of silence. 'I know, but being obedient is useless. If I had stood up earlier before that day, maybe I wouldn't have become a child without a home. In the end, I was just self-satisfied and self-comforting.'

'The human heart is inherently complex, so don't blame yourself for this kind of thing. You've done well,' Cui Que interrupted her self-pity.

Shaking her head, Cui Que stopped her from wallowing in self-pity. 'Besides that, I want to say that being well-behaved is not wrong. Good children should be praised and admired. But at the same time, being 'willful' is a child's privilege.'

'Willful?' Xia Liang was momentarily stunned.

'Willful,' Cui Que affirmed calmly.

With slightly widened eyes, Xia Liang asked in confusion, 'But being willful will definitely annoy adults and make them dislike you, right?'

'You're imagining adults too one-sidedly,' Cui Que said, pressing down with one hand, gesturing for her to listen patiently. 'Being willful all the time will indeed make people dislike you, but appropriate willfulness is also a way to please others. It's more like a way of being spoiled.'"Eh?" Xia Liang exclaimed in surprise, "Even if you say that..."

"A child who is too obedient, because they never act on their own desires and never express themselves, appears too perfect and idealized, which makes the rotten adults feel their own incompetence."

Lowering her eyes, Cui Que explained slowly, "In front of such a sensible child, I completely feel that I am not a competent adult. I even need the child to comfort me, as if I am the one who doesn't understand anything."

"If it were an ordinary parent, they would reflect on themselves if this happens. But if it is someone whose heart has already been completely filled with darkness, they will only alienate, reject, and even feel annoyed by such a child."

"Let me make a wild guess, your mother probably feels this way. When you try to comfort her, it actually hurts her self-esteem."

"So you are not wrong, it's your mother who is not competent enough. When you are in the roles of mother and daughter, she fails much more than you."

After finishing this long speech, Cui Que noticed that Xia Liang was trying to understand and stopped speaking, giving her some time to digest.

Xia Liang, in deep thought, realized that she didn't know how to refute Cui Que.

"...In that case, what should I do?"

After a long silence, she whispered, "Even if I realize all this now, I can't make up for it anymore."

Cui Que sat back on the sofa, her arms crossed: "That was a warning. I didn't use much force, but I might not be so lenient next time."

"I won't do it again." Xia Liang held her forehead.

"Anyway, I admit that the problem you mentioned exists, so what do you want?"

Pulling the topic back to its original track, Cui Que continued to ask: "To learn to be willful, you first need to face your true thoughts. You think I'm biased, so how do you want me to change?"

"Let me think..."

Xia Liang pondered her answer: "Can you ask me if there are any problems during the class? Don't just ask Little Lu?"

"I'll pay attention." Cui Que nodded.

"Also, don't always notify me last when you find a Brutal Beast!"

"...Sorry."

"When we were studying just now, I actually didn't understand a lot of things!"

"I will teach you."

"Praise me more when I do well in practicing magic power, because I'm actually trying very hard!"

"And also..."

As if she had opened a floodgate, Xia Liang immediately put forward a series of seemingly troublesome requests after thinking of the first one.

Some of these requests were indeed things that Cui Que had not done well in the past, while others were trivial matters that Cui Que would not have noticed if Xia Liang hadn't mentioned them now.

Although Xia Liang usually seemed to speak her mind, it was clear that this "willfulness" was also the result of careful consideration.

The one who was now nitpicking about small issues was the real her, with her heart wide open.

Xia Liang summed up like this, and Cui Que occasionally gave her own comments until she finished mentioning every item she could think of.

"And the most important thing!"

Xia Liang raised her head, her smile more genuine than ever: "I want to get closer and more intimate with Little Lu and you!"

"Intimate?"

This request left Cui Que slightly puzzled, and then she explained: "Magical Girls are inherently close comrades. As your experiences of fighting side by side increase, and even when your power reaches my level, our relationship is destined to be very close."

"No, not that kind of intimacy!"

Xia Liang gestured with her hands: "The relationship between Magical Girls is very important, it should be better than ordinary friends, right? I want a more loving, more heartwarming..."

A love that could make up for the "love" she lost due to her broken family.

Understanding what she wanted to express, Cui Que added a sentence in her heart for her.

Lacking love, longing for love, Xia Liang, who has always been pursuing connections with others, still hasn't felt "love". Therefore, she still feels lonely.

What she wants from Cui Que and Lin Xiaolu is not just comradeship, not just mentorship, but a kinship that can replace the vacancy of her family.

Perhaps, this is her most explicit expression in her confusion: she seems to hope that this Magical Girl team can become her next "home".

It's quite "willful" to make such an excessive request after only knowing each other for a month.

"So, how do you want this intimacy to be manifested?"

Cui Que leaned on the sofa, listening to Xia Liang's words.

But it was Xia Liang's somewhat obsessive thoughts that made her realize that the girl in front of her was a real child, with many naive ideas in her heart.

Hearing Cui Que's question, Xia Liang paused for a moment, then put her hands together, showing a sweet and obedient smile.

"I've already said it before, you know."

Her eyes were shining, looking at Cui Que as if begging:

"Can we sleep together tonight?"